I am a vegan and am getting married. Your opinion is needed...?!
I am a vegan and am getting married. Your opinion is needed...?
My finance and have both been vegan for almost two years now (I've been vegetarian for several years). We would like to serve health vegan treats at our reception. We will have veggie trays, hummus, fruit trays, breads with assorted spreads a few things to be decided and of course some sort of vegan cake (either fancy cupcakes on a tiered tray or a traditional looking wedding cake). So I was visiting my mom today and she said this "I know its your wedding, and you can do what ever you want, but I think that you should have normal cake in addition to your vagen (as she like to say it) cake. " She thinks I'm being unreasonable and inhospitable in not offering cake that is made with dairy and eggs. I don't see it that way. I am not going to be offering gross food. My local coop makes wonderful cakes. Beautiful and taste and I'm not compromising my beliefs by buying foods that are made with animal products. My finance and I are paying for this all by ourselves by the way.
Answers:
Wow, I bet you would be all over someone that was whining about having to have a vegan alternative at their wedding. A lot of people that have their weddings provide dishes that are different then their chosen dietary lifestyle to fit the ones that they know will be there, why can't you? Seriously, if you really don't want to pay for it, why don't you ask your mom if she would be willing to pay for it?
And why is it always acceptable to deceive non-vegans, but not the other way around?
The attitude on here is astounding! Non-vegan couples go out of their way and provide vegan dishes at their weddings, but it is fine and dandy for a vegan to pitch a fit about having to have a non-vegan dish and it is ok for her to not provide non-vegan dishes?
Well, this non-vegan thinks it is rude for a vegan to not serve non-vegan food because they always expect people to bend to them but don't show the same to non-vegans. My issue is the fact that while vegans pitch a fit about not being accommodated, they have no problems being unaccommodating to any who don't share their dietary choice. I'm not vegan, I never will be vegan because I absolutely will never agree with the vegan mindset, but if I were to ever have a function with a meal, I would most gladly serve food that EVERYONE at the function will enjoy eating, not just what I enjoy eating. It isn't about whether the tastes are the same, it is about the attitude that is displayed.
Sorry, but vagen cake=yuckie
I think you should have both kinds of cake especially if there will be people there who aren't vegans. You can go all out on your vegan-wedding cake and then just have a regular type cake for the other people. I understand that you are paying for it by yourselves, but don't forget that your guests will be bringing gifts that cost money and should've have something there that they would like to eat. Just think of it.
There is barely a difference between vegan cake and regular cake. I recently brought a chocolate vegan cake to a work potluck and got nothing but rave reviews.
Its your wedding, you run the show. Sorry Mom.
p.s. i love lillys answer..thats a great idea!! fool em all! :)
If you'd really like to be a gracious hostess, make your guests feel comfortable. Are you more into taking care of your guests or making a statement? Will the non-vegans be able to enjoy themselves? Will they feel out of place or strange for being there?
To be truly hospitable to everyone, I personally think you should have some of both types of food available. Discreetly label what is vegan-friendly, if you dont want to confuse people. Find an organic farm nearby that is truly kind to its animals -- there really are plenty of them, if you look -- and purchase a limited amount of dairy products and eggs from them. Please consider your guests as more important than yourself.
It is really up to you, it is your wedding. It isn't like the guests are paying the bill or a fee to get in and eat. Really we have all been to weddings where the food is good and some isn't as good. Sometimes I like it and he doesn't.....you know what I mean. It is all in the buds:) I don't think you should worry about it.
If you are concerned about it at all why not get a small sample cake made and have your mum try some but don't tell her it is the vegan cake. See what she says after trying it.
I've been vegan for ages and my mom tried pulling that crap on me to! This is your day! People won't even be able to taste the difference. You should be able to enjoy all of the dishes at your wedding. Why don't you take her out and let her try a piece of that wonderful cake and then she'll feel bad for trying to make you serve something that's offensive to your values! Remember, this is your day that you are going to remember for the rest of your life, and while the guests will remember having a great time, they aren't going to be as concerned with the food as you will. Get whatt you want and what you and your new husband will enjoy. By the way, Congrats!
In my honest opinion- it is your wedding. If you want to serve vegan cake only, then do so. You should not have to bend your views and opinions simply because you may offend someone, or because someone won't want to eat vegan cake simply because its vegan. Vegan cake is great! Do what you want to do, not what others tell you to when it comes to you and your fiance's special day.
Well, it is your wedding... Serve what you want.
I have made my own vegan cakes before, and they were just as good as a regular egg/cow's milk cake(healthier too)
And If you don't say anything about it, I'm sure no one would even know that it's vegan!, and if they did... who cares?!? again it's your wedding, I've been to plenty of places that weren't hospitable to my beliefs... and it is your choice to serve whatever you want }at your wedding!{. Believe me, If I ever get married, I will be having a vegan cake :].
Go ahead and serve whatever you want. You are not being unreasonable or inhospitable.
Now why on earth would someone find vegan cake offensive? No animals were harmed in making the cake, and I know from experience that vegan cakes can be delicious. It's your wedding, you're paying for it, too, so do it vegan style! Congratulations!
Ewww. Not being a vegan, I wouldn't appreciate the menu selection, however, when in Rome....and just know you may have many people leave early to go and eat a "real meal". I know that would be the case for me and my spouse.
How many weddings have you gone to and have been offered NO vegan cake whatsoever?
It's your day, girl.
:)
Heck, tell your mom you will have regular cake. Serve it to everyone. Have your own separate (also vegan) cake, so that no one is *on to you.*
I would bet money that no one would complain (any more than one would if the cake was too sweet or not sweet enough) if they ate vegan cake.
Years from now you can say that all the cake was vegan and laugh. Everyone can eat vegan food with no moral issues; just some prefer to eat more than vegan food and have stereotypes on how they would enjoy it less if it were vegan.
You shouldn't give up on your moral stance because others are afraid they may not like vegan cake as much. Heck, I have been to so many weddings where I haven't even been offered a vegetarian or vegetarian dinner, let alone my own fancy cake. I'm always munching on a Cliff bar.
:)
Dishonesty isn't the best option, but if your situation reaches a point where simply saying you are having a vegan cake isn't enough and you do have to pretend, make it known that the baker likes to use soy flour or something, in case people have soy allergies.
:)
Hon, without a doubt, you should serve what makes you and your hubby-to-be happy. Don't let anyone tell you that a vegan cake can't be just as good or just as beautiful as a "real" cake. I made vegan cupcakes (using my favorite cake recipe) recently for a get-together at church and everyone (even meat eaters) loved them. Just today a friend asked me about making a healthy vegan cake for a grand opening of her new Curves studio.
Just remember, it's your big day, make it a day to remember. Don't give in on the things that are important to you. Also, as mean as it may sound, your mom already had her wedding day, this is yours. The guests will be there to share in your happiness. and they won't care if the cake is vegan.
YOU and YOUR SPOUSE TO BE ARE PAYING FOR IT?
I've just got one thing to say then:
YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!
If they didn't like it, I'd tell them where they could stick their toaster!
Your mother is right - It's YOUR wedding.
Your guests aren't buying a fancy meal with the cost of a wedding gift. They're helping you celebrate your joyous event. This certainly doesn't require you to do something against your beliefs.
This dinner is not for you, it's for your guests.
They are most likely not vegan. This is not a time to thank the people giving you money by forcing your self-righteous vegan diet on anybody. This is slap in the face to people who are giving you gifts. Give them nice food they will enjoy.
If you do serve vegan food, I hope you have a few extra portable toilets.
That doesn't make any sense. Someone who is a good vegan baker can make a vegan cake which would taste like a "regular" cake.
its up to you completely... its your wedding, and if your mom wants non-vegan cake THAT much, tell her that she bring a cupcake in her purse and eat that during the reception. Also I would like to know what would happen if you just switched all the food and didnt tell anybody, see if they would notice ;)
First off it is your (BOTH you and you fiance) day! Your mother should respect your beleifs. If she doesnt want any cake then too bad. It IS NOT her wedding!
On the other hand a properly made vegan wedding cake will taste the same as a regular cake. Does your mom know this? Why not make a cake and give it to her, tell her it is a regular cake then after she tries it and loves it tell her what is really in it.
Your mom should not have any influence on desicions like that at YOUR wedding. BE strong
My fiance and i are both vegan and we are planning to have a vegan cake and vegan food. We are even going to put a request to not wear leather on all the invitations.
Heres to a happy wedding!
I do not agree with your Mother. If your wedding cake is good, no one will "miss" the eggs or dairy.
I make Vegan treats all the time & take to different events.. most people can't tell the difference & I get asked all the time for my recipes.
Go vegan all the way, baby!
And tell them it's NOT vegan...they'll NEVER know the difference anyway.
Who needs eggs and milk to make yummy cake? I'm sure your guests will be able to survive veganism for a few hours of their life.
And I don't care WHO'S paying for it. It's your day, do it your way!
Have fun!
Go with the vegan cake, the people you are initing are there for you. You don't owe them anything on your day. It is a provilage that you are allowing them to share the event with you. People are not buying thier way into the reception with their gifts, god knows you probably spent more per person than any gift they could give.
IMO, no one will know the difference. All the weddings I have been to the cake hasn't been great, and they had milk and eggs. I say don't say anything and no one will even care.
If the people you are inviting are that concerned with the cake being vegan then that is their problem, no one is forcing them to eat it. There are plenty of other things to eat.
WHAT
I think your mum needs to eat a vegan double chocolate gateaux with vegan buttercream and to look you in the eye and tell you it tastes bad!
She probably means well, but really, a cake is a cake. Butter can be replaced with a vegan alternative. Eggs can be replaced with orange juice/olive oil, vinegar, silken tofu or egg replacer. I have made insanely good chocolate gateauxs, and I'm not even qualified, so I'm sure a professional can make something awesome.
Buy a vegan recipe book and make her a vegan cake.
It's your wedding, not hers. Why should you compromise your compassion for the sake of a cake? It's just a cake!? Would she ask a Jewish person to have non-kosher food at their wedding? Ask them to play a tape of a Hitler speech at their reception? (I hope not, but you see the sarcasm!).
She's being unreasonable, and kind of old fashioned.
If you're really stuck for trying to get her to see your point of view, remind her that a vegan cake means that people with dairy allergies (including those who are lactose-intolerant) can also eat it. That asthma sufferers can also eat it.
Good luck!
"This is the best cake ever!"
That is a quote I heard from some dinner guests of mine, after tasting a vegan cake I had baked for them. No they were not vegan, but open to the idea of trying something new.
I say go vegan!!!
Enjoy your day, and good luck to the two of you!!
I think you should definitely stick to a vegan cake. That is *your* cake as a couple and there should only be one. I've had DELICIOUS vegan cake! People just assume it's going to be gross because they've never had it. If the family was offering to help foot the bill for some of the food so that they could have meat/egg/dairy products, that's fine, but since YOU two are paying for all of it, I would just stick to what you've got planned.
When my boyfriend and I get married, we have to have animal products because he isn't vegetarian and neither is any of his family or mine (besides my mom). It would be selfish of me to insist on vegetarian stuff, especially since he isn't. But the way your story sounds ... stick to your guns! :)
Stick with the vegan cake. It will be good for your guests to be treated to something they probably haven't before and they'll be able to see a vegan diet doesn't automatically mean a bland diet. Congrats on your wedding :)
I am with ya! I don't see any reason why you should offer any food you won't eat yourself. Your mom is, like many, probably assuming that vegan food is bland, poorly textured, and otherwise unappealing. I think it's likely that nobody would even NOTICE that the cake is vegan - providing you're using a bakery that you know offers good vegan cakes!
Congrats on your wedding! And please... stick with your own beliefs on this. You don't want the happiest day of your life blistered with the knowledge that you went against your beliefs to please others. If any of your guests are SO closed-minded to refuse to eat the food... I'm sure there's places they can get a bite afterwards. If you were Italian, guests would expect an italian wedding. If you were Catholic, they'd expect a catholic wedding... being vegan, why should they expect anything less than a vegan wedding?
It's your wedding , you should do exactly as you wish.
You want to remember it as a beautiful , happy event, not having to remember something that disgusts you.
Cakes I make never have animal probucts in them.
I wish you lots of love and happiness.
Just as at a Jewish or Muslim wedding, one would expect to be served Kosher or Halal food, one should expect to be served vegan food at a vegan wedding. Everyone can partake in a vegan diet, so you're not excluding anyone. Nobody HAS to eat meat at every meal. Many people eat meatless and never even realize it--spaghetti with tomato sauce, anyone? Omnivores often make ridiculous comments about how they're going to have to eat ahead of time or sneak off to get "a real meal." But you know what? I've never seen anyone turn their nose up at a well-prepared vegan meal. When I graduated college, I booked a vegetarian restaurant (Cafe Flora in Seattle--yum!) for the family meal afterwards. Everyone said stuff ahead of time, like, "oh, we'll have to get your brother and me something real to eat later." But everyone ate their veggie meals and the vegan cake and LOVED it. I found out later that my dad was upset I took the rest of the cake home with me without offering him anymore.
Go ahead and serve your vegan cake. Get your mom to taste some ahead of time if that puts her mind at ease. Nobody's going to know the difference. Just make sure anybody with a soy allergy knows to stay away.