Vegans..please comment my poem?!?!
Vegans..please comment my poem?!?
Sorry milk,
Sorry cow! As I pour the remnants of which remained in the glass.
Who said we should depend on every molecule from the gentle beast, to get our sustaining power from?
From their birth, their filthy pens, and the torture of being slain.
Lets trade places with the cows.
The cow family sit round the table, waiting for their dinner. The smell from the grill is almost too much to bear. "I get the nose" cried the calf. "I get a thumb" cried her sister. "Me too" cried her brother.
The sorry backyard cries from the humans pen escalate. They cry, scream and try and get out!
Don't they know they are just food? cried the cows. Mmm mm. Mighty tasty! As the thumbnail is crunched and swallowed!
Answers:
Heehee... the irony in your reminds me of the old far side comics with the dear who kills the human and has it tied to the hood of his car. Or when the dear shoot up an office to "thin out the population."
On a poetic note, take out the "from" at the end of the third line. your sentence says all you need, and the 'from' ends it on a weak note.
You can also remove the line "let's trade places with the cows." The irony is even more powerful when the reader has to think and realize the switch on her own (and the reader will.) The second verse (IMHO) is more powerful without it.
Love the little children cows calling out different parts of the body (much as children do.)
Love the final sentence(s) are wonderful and a great way to summarize your point. From my point of view, this is what turns in from a concept that has been used before into something uniquely yours.
Good Job
Source(s):
Teaching poetry writing in schools.
deep...and strange.
Misguided.
....but mainly strange.
props to you though. i can't write poetry. and plus, it's obviously something you feel strongly about :]
That is pretty sweet! I'm a vegi!!
Interesting, that's not the way it is but if it was would be scary. Cows would rule the world and keep us in pens. Cows are gentle creatures, herbivores. Should only be eaten if we are starving I believe, but some people take pleasure in the blood lust and being more powerful. Some just don't think and just want to eat as it tastes good to them. Some have no choice.
It's really bad for a cow (that's given birth) to not be milked...
u have emotional problems man!
thats a deep poem
It's very poignant and well thought out.
If you take Lilliyan's advice it will read
better and have an even more powerful
effect. Good Job. Ignore the nay-sayers
they just don't get it.